The voice I had imagine was more sophisticated, but this is just me.

I am recently 23 and recently a wife and recently more separated from my immediate family longer and more permanently than I have ever been.

I have been having a hard time sleeping lately, going in and out of winter colds, and in and out of my menstrual cycle, but I feel like something tugging at me.

The monotonous tone of my relationship. Maybe it was just this odd Christmas that wasn't as jolly as others have been. Maybe I am scared of losing myself as I have been at this point in some relationships.

Am I losing my spontaneity with every folded t-shirt? every put away dish? It is starting to feel like that.

I have gained at least ten pounds since April and hate it. It feels so uncomfortable in my clothes, my sleep, my walk. But in this nasty apartment complex with very little outdoors feel to it, I can barely coax myself to walk the dog, much less walk myself.

I haven't read since Christmas, haven't sewn since summer, and haven't exercised since then either.

Where is Amanda? She is getting sadder and feeling more lost every day. Not lost to God, I feel him there, taking care of us, but lost for what my calling is right now.

I have no purpose. Wife comes naturally, what is the thing I must push myself to do?

I will return to Bible Study this week, and church soon, probably not tomorrow, and have thought about looking into school... so I guess I just glance up at my own motto and

Keep moving forward.